I’M NOT COMPLAINING
Every morning, I run my fingers through my hair to see if it will come out in my hands. I know
that hair loss is a very common side effect of chemotherapy, and my Oncologist has told me several times that “It will happen.” So, I’m expecting it. However, going into my 8th and final cycle of chemotherapy, most of my hair is still intact, however with a noticeable amount of thinning. (The image above was taken in January, right before I met with my treatment team.)
Nevertheless, I would rather have lost my hair than to have some of the other issues that chemotherapy has brought upon me. I’m not complaining.
THE FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND
Prior to starting treatment, I had my whole treatment plan mapped out. Scheduled treatments and special tests. Up until now, treatments have been going according to plan. I haven’t had to postpone any due to abnormal labs or problems with treatment. However, there are a few unexpected events that I wasn’t anticipating. As I’ve said before, I really didn’t know what to expect. I was kind of expecting to be more worse off as I’ve seen so many people go through chemotherapy. So much so, that I had to ask my doctor, “Does it get any worse than this?” By no means am I saying that this is easy because it isn’t. All I know, is that everyone keeps acknowledging how well I’m going through this whole course. Whatever they are seeing, it isn’t me. It’s all God. God is just carrying me through. You know… like in the “Footprints in the Sand”. The Lord is saying to me, “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints… it was then that I carried you”, as I cry in his arms.
Yes! God said in Hebrews 13:6 that He would not leave me nor forsake me. He’s my strength to carry on when I’m weak. The Holy Spirit is my comforter and Jesus is my peace! I can feel them picking me up in the mornings when it’s hard for me to get up. (Yes, I’m still making my way to work). Sometimes when I feel dizzy, or I’m too weak and nauseous to move, He gives me strength to carry on. But, when I need my rest, I rest.
I HAVE TO TAKE MEDICATION?
I meet with my Oncologist right before each cycle. During my 2nd to last visit, I experienced some neck swelling. Initially, it began on my right side. I was thinking that it was either my thyroid or lymph node. However, I was sent to have an ultrasound done to rule out blood clots. The test came back negative, however, my neck continued to swell spreading to the left side and to a point where I felt some discomfort when swallowing, talking, or moving my neck a certain way. My Oncologist sent me to have a CT scan which showed “mild to moderate thyromegaly”. Now, I already had a goiter, an enlarged thyroid. However, it was not noticeable. My doctor explained that my goiter was enlarging and that was that. As I was evaluating the side effects of chemotherapy, I realized how many of those were that of hypothyroidism. So, when I went for treatment, I asked the nurse to have the doctor have my thyroid levels drawn. Long story short, I have been placed on Levothyroxine for hypothyroidism.
As weeks have been going by, and treatments continue, my blood pressure has been rising. I’ve experienced frequent headaches. So, now, I’ve been placed on a diuretic in efforts to rectify the situation.
Up until I started chemotherapy, the only thing that I needed to take was iron every day for anemia. Now, I have to take medication. But, again, I am not complaining.
THE LUMP
Initially, the lump in my right breast shrank to a size that was not palpable. Then after spacing in the cycles occurred with a different combination of chemotherapy drugs, the mass began to grow back. Is this medication that’s supposed to be the strongest chemo drug that’s available, not working? I’m scheduled for an ultrasound with possible biopsy. I had another MRI done. The mass has reduced in size; however, it has grown after it shrank and to me it’s growing just as fast as it was growing prior to treatment. Not to mention, there were two other masses found. What’s really going on?
We’ll find out after the ultrasound.
A STORY TO TELL
I’m not the only one that has a story to tell. There are so many women that have faced, are facing, and will face the perils of breast cancer. Knowing this, I wanted to give others an opportunity to share their story, especially since the experience is different for everyone.
This blog is featuring someone that’s very dear to me. As am I, she’s an ordained elder in the office of teacher. However, she’s been in the ministry much longer than I have and I have learned quite a few things from her. On my first mission trip to Kenya, she was my roommate. She’s come with me to a few of my treatments. She’s inspirational and full of life. When I asked if she’d like to share her story, she did not hesitate. I sent her all the questions that I wanted her to answer and here are her responses.
Elder Barbara Clayton
How old were you when you were diagnosed? I was 48 years old when diagnosed with breast cancer.
Did you get annual breast exams? I started having breast exams at the age of 48. Back then, it was only recommended to get tested every other year.
Did you do self-breast exams? Yes. In fact, that is how I discovered a lump. I was doing a demonstration on how to do a self-breast exam when I noticed a small lump in my breast.
What type of cancer were you diagnosed with? I was diagnosed with what was called stage 2 because of the amount of cancer that was found in my body, the size, and the way it looked. In our cancer support group however, I was reminded that every experience is unique based on your personal mind and body, your level of faith in God and the personal support given from friends and family. Based on the doctor’s finding, the size, the lump was more then 1cm and less than 2 cm and how fast it was growing determined the stage also. There were no visible indications that the cancer cells had traveled to other parts of the breast which now made surgery possible. The medical information I received, and with the Spiritual help from the Lord, made surgery possible. After surgery they found one positive cancer cell in my lymph nodes which led to them suggesting chemo and radiation. This question caused me to go back and look at some of my old notes from 24 years ago to remember some of my struggles.
What options did you have? I felt at this time that my options were few because more than ever, I wanted to continue living, yet, I had not heard of many positive stories about women of color overcoming cancer. My option was to get myself back on track to living a better and more- healthier lifestyle, as soon as possible.
I sought prayer and special healing words of encouragement from people, as well as reading positive books about God’s miracles of healing. I sought traditional assistance and nontraditional help, doctors, and natural health specialists. I was willing to explore any options that might help lead me to better health. Overall, my greatest option was with the Lord, ultimately the one who does the healing.
Why did you choose the treatment plan you went through?
I chose the best I knew at the time for extended life. But I took only a little time in choosing a treatment plan because I wanted to get started toward treatment right away. I remembered that I prayed and prayed a lot, listened to doctors and nurses, listened to family, friends from my support group that had also gone through or were going through treatment. Then I decided to go for the total package. I prayed this scripture:
Proverbs 16-3 We can make our own plans,
but the Lord gives the right answer.
2 People may be pure in their own eyes,
but the Lord examines their motives.
3 Commit your actions to the Lord,
and your plans will succeed.
Did you get a second opinion?
I don’t remember getting a second opinion from a professional doctor or hospital because of problems with my insurance company, but I do remember calling many consultants from the American Cancer Society, and other women’s cancer groups for advice.
How did you feel about your diagnosis?
I first felt scared and afraid. I felt that it would be the end of life as I had known it to be, and I remember being afraid to share the news with family in fear of what was next, and with my most intense job of working with the women in my Safe and Sober house, my question to God was, what would happen to them if I had to close the facility?
Did you do genetic testing? What were the results?
No, I did not do any genetic testing, in fact no one suggested that at the time and I did not know or understand what genetic testing was back then. Most African American women in our circle had not been updated about this process.
How did the doctor/s respond?
My doctors responded very well, they were full of hope and promises of a continued quality of life. However, most of the time I had to come with my questions already written to present to the doctors during our visits.
How did you feel about your treatment team?
I felt particularly good about my treatment team.
The leaders and women in my support group and with the help from the Lord, I selected my team based on the shared information about how to request and select a treatment team.
Did you make any dietary changes?
I did not have to make many changes to my dietary plan because I was coming from a health minded home based on my already current health issues. But what I did was to beef up my positive health program, so I did research and asked questions. I was also willing to work natural avenues for getting well.
How did your family respond?
Most of my extended family members were busy at that time doing their own thing in career building. They did not know much about cancer outcomes. Most thought it was a death sentence. Most family members supported me from a distance by sending food/meals, making and sending cards, or phone calls. My immediate family in my household was incredibly supportive, often to the overboard status. Yet, I felt that my husband, mother and children were afraid that I was going to die and leave them alone. They did not even want to talk about final plans or anything. I tried to make then understand that anything could happen, but I carried the faith and trust in God that healing was happening every day. Many times, they did not understand the stages of healing that I was going through.
How did your friends respond?
All praise to God that I had the best set of friends in all the world. I could not have asked for a better set of friends and people surrounding me. We took treatment together, shopped together and laughed as I went through the stages of chemo and radiation. My supervisors were such a gem and treated me like a diamond going through a rough patch in my life. My friend at work covered for me when I was not feeling well or needed words of encouragement.
How would you help someone else through?
I am continuing to spread the love of healing. I plan on being available to assist in sharing the news about early detection and receiving annual mammograms, and screenings. I want to be available for women as they travel the process toward recovery from breast cancer.
What is one take-away from this? This is only one of many.
My takeaway is receiving the words in 1 Peter 5:6-10
6 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Stand firm against him and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers[b] all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are. 10 In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So, after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 11 All power to him forever! Amen.
CONCLUSION
Like Barbara, I felt the lump myself. It started off smaller than the size of a pea. Then, it started growing and became painful. If you are reading this, I’m telling you to get regular checkups. If it is out of the norm, see about it, no matter how small you think it is. Initially, when I first felt the lump, I waited, giving it an opportunity to go away. It didn’t. Had I waited any longer, it could have spread. If you have questions, ask. If you don’t understand, get clarity.
I’m glad Barbara stood firmly on the word of God. Her faith helps give hope to not only me, but to others.
WHAT’S NEXT?
In my next blog, I’ll talk about the results of my ultrasound, my last treatment, and what’s to come. I will also provide education on how to do a self-breast exam. You will also hear from someone else who has either made it through or is making it through this process.
If you would like to share your story or know of anyone that does, you can email me at