In October of 2021, I felt a small, painful, lump on my right breast. After being seen by my primary care provider, a diagnostic mammogram, and ultrasound with biopsy were conducted. On January 11, 2022, while at work, I received a call from my doctor, informing me that I had invasive ductal carcinoma of the right breast.
Cancer? What? Me? How could this have happened? Why?
That’s all she could tell me about my diagnosis! She gave me the number to call to schedule an appointment with the oncology team and that was that. I immediately called my pastor for prayer and reassurance. I didn’t want to tell my children until I had more information. Initially, I thought about keeping this whole thing to myself, but why add unnecessary stress? I’m glad I opened up because I have an amazing support system. I have my Aarons and Hurs in place (Exodus 17:10-16). I truly thank God for them.
Anyway, the next day, I made the call and got an appointment to see the treatment team that was scheduled for January 21. Nine days seems like a long time to wait when you have been given this kind of information. therefore, I wait. I had to be still (Psalm 46:10). I know that even in the “wait” God is continually working out His plans. And all I can hear Him whisper in my ear is, “Don’t worry. I’ve got this!”
I had a Denver trip planned, so I went to Denver as scheduled for my sister’s surprise birthday party. I looked up ductal carcinomas, diagnosed myself, and anticipated my treatment plan. By the time I got to my appointment, I was ready to tell them my plan of care only to find out I had misdiagnosed myself and that I had the type with the worst outcome.
Triple-Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC)…
According to the American Cancer Society, this type of breast cancer is rare and accounts for 10-15% of all breast cancers, and has the worse outcomes…
It grows faster. It spreads faster. And the prognosis is worse.
I felt like I had been handed a death sentence. On top of that, my treatment plan, now, consisted of chemotherapy. I was not happy. Who would be? How do I locate my faith in the midst of this and God’s movement behind the scenes, since I was holding on to him, no matter what?
Before my initial doctor visit with the oncology team, my pastor asked me how I wanted her to pray and put together a team of prayer warriors on my behalf. So, my initial prayer was that in efforts to not prolong treatment, to let this team be a good fit and that the recommendations would be the appropriate way to go. So, I went in faith, believing that I was going to make it through on this journey with my steps being ordered by God. The oncology team was pleasant, empathetic, encouraging, and patient with all my questions. However, “chemo”, was not sitting well with me.
My vocation as a nurse, and from having witnessed loved ones go through similar treatments, I didn’t want to go through that. Therefore, I did more research. I looked up evidence-based practice articles, only for them to verify what the team suggested. I even called other cancer centers. Was I not believing God in my initial prayer? After pondering over it, praying about it, my decision was to go with the recommended plan of care.
As time went on, I answered my initial questions.
Cancer? Yes, invasive ductal carcinoma (ICD), triple-negative breast cancer (TNBC), at stage IIb. The good thing is that it wasn’t found in any other area making the prognosis for a good outcome, even greater.
What was going on? Could this really be happening to me? Yes, Charman. You have been diagnosed with cancer.
Me? Yes.
How could this have happened? Prior to my diagnosis, no one in my immediate family, parents or siblings had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Then a couple of weeks after I’ve been diagnosed, I found out one of my aunts on my dad’s side had been diagnosed with 2 forms of breast cancer in one breast and an aunt on my mom’s side has had multiple myeloma. But to answer the question, I am over 50, a female, overweight, I don’t eat as healthy as I could, and now, there is a family history.
Why me? ANSWER… Why not me?
I thought about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46). I thought about how Jesus was chosen for a specific purpose, to go to the cross for us. My cross to bear is in no way as difficult as His. Nevertheless, I was chosen for such a time as this to drink from this cup. I say to my Maker: Your will be done, Lord. I was not handed a death sentence, but a life sentence. Not only for my life but for someone else to live. I’ve been diagnosed above only and refuse to let the enemy distort God’s life vision for me!
I came up with this image to express how I was determined to make it through this. Although the image has the breast cancer awareness symbols surrounding it, I want it to reflect the struggles that everyone faces. The colors represent the word it’s used for. On this journey, I have to walk by faith and not think about what it is looking like – 2 Corinthians 5:7. I need strength, but I know that I can’t do this alone – Psalm 121:1-2. Because I had 3 really, close friends pass away from breast cancer, at ages younger than I am now, my initial response was fear, which God has not given us (2 Timothy 1:9). Besides, I know survivors. Therefore, at His command, I must be strong and courageous (Joshua 1:9). It is important for my health. Negative thoughts and outlooks will only interfere with my healing. I cannot compare myself to others. As a nurse, I understand that everyone is different, responds differently to treatments, and has different and unique outcomes. I can only put my hope in the Lord (Isaiah 40:31) that He may fill me with peace (Romans 15:13) that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7) as I put my trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5-6) while meditating on Him, that I may grow more in Him (1 Timothy 4:15) during this time.
My purpose for this blog is to bless others through their journeys (2 Corinthians 2:14). Storms come and go. We’re constantly going through something. Some people may be experiencing other types of health issues. Some people may be struggling, financially. School may be a struggle. Life can be hard at times. But, with God, we can make it through ANYTHING.
This song was written years ago when I was going through a different type of storm. I was having problems in my marriage, and it was very difficult for me to overcome. But I made it through. And now another season has come, and it has brought about another tough time in my life. But as with all things, I am trusting in the Lord. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBsFVEOJRO4
The key to overcoming my feelings about receiving chemotherapy was prayer. I prayed for guidance. As I reflect on it all, everything fell into place, perfectly.
The youth at church ministered to this version of “God Is” that I had never heard before by Ricky Dillard. I’ve been listening to this song daily ever since. My daughter bought us matching sweatshirts with “GOD IS DOPE” on the front.
Now, for me, the word DOPE has 2 meanings.
God is, as the song goes, my all and all. To sum it up, the Great I AM is EVERYTHING. “God is” Dope! There’s absolutely none like Him.
The other thing, as I was going through a thing about this chemo… questioning the doctors… researching… Why this way as opposed to that way? How did I get it and why? Let’s figure that out and treat the cause. But I guess that’s the billion-dollar question. I mean I understand. But just the thought of these drugs, this dope, running through my body, was doing a number on me. I thought about the story where the man was stuck on an island, and he asked God to save him. The man died on the island and when he got to heaven he asked God why He didn’t save him. God said, “I tried. You didn’t want the help that I sent to you.” (That summed it up for me)
In order to get through this, I had to look at it like this. Since God is EVERYTHING, He has to be this medication, this dope, that will go through my body. His blood will penetrate every cell and organ, in my body to give me a deep cleansing as He heals me during this seasonal journey.
“And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You.” Psalm 39:7 My life is in him, as I wait on and for Him to deliver me from this sickness that has stricken my body. I’m standing on His promises while I fulfill my purpose in Him. His promises are, “Yes”, daughter, with a resounding AMEN, In Jesus’s name. Amen.
In the next blog, I will go into more details about treatment options, the information I researched, and more.
May this bless you as it has blessed me. Whatever you are going through, you will make it through with God.